timely obedience.

so lets pretend that someone asks us to clean our room..  at what point is it no longer obedience?

I started thinking about the example on pages 76-79 of Called and Accountable about Joseph, Jesus’ earthly father and his answer to God’s call immediately. If Joseph wasn’t instantly obedient his whole family would have been in danger. It’s sweet to see God’s hand in the little things but what a reminder of how important it is to listen to God’s call and act promptly. This summer I had a sin issue in my life that I knew needed to be gone but took me more than two weeks to give up and I really only gave it up because it was starting to not satisfy me the way I wanted it to be even in the moment anymore. This temptation was purged for a month or so and came back readily in a new form just over a week ago. The temptation was nipped in the butt about 9 days into it and I’m so thankful that although not immediately did I answer God’s call but faster this time. Hopefully next time it wont be an issue at all. Lets examine ways that the Lord calls us to obedience and practice being on time with the little things so He can trust us more with the big things

Where and When? Here and Now.

God places all of us in a certain time a place for a reason. Not just that I was born in December of 1989 or that I was born in America instead of Germany but even to the littlest things like when I walked out of Moyer this evening from hanging out with people I ran into an old crush. Seriously God places things that little in our way to show and teach us things.

When we are overwelmed it is most important we take some reflection time to get everything settled. I’m beyond overwelmed with homework this week and getting past the point of doing homework to learn and enjoy but merely just to complete it on time for a grade. It really makes me miss taking Distance Education classes because all of the freedom of class time and deadlines vanished. Yes I missed staying up all night occasionally to cram study and the class discussions but i loved having the freedom to take a week off and not get penalized for it. I did my homework when I wanted to do my homework and somedays would watch movies and veg out and some days I would spend 6 straight hours hitting the books. That year I got a 4.0 and learned more in school and about myself than any other year of my life.

I changed my major to biblical studies and am beyond glad because I LOVE all my classes and am really enjoying the discussions and homework but find myself wanting to skip class just to complete everything on time. Its frustrating to be paying so much for school on my own and not being able to enjoy the process of learning or getting as much out of it as I’d like because I’m spending so much cram time getting it all done on time for a grade instead of to learn the material.

God please help me find the time to accomplish all that I need to get done and still get rest. I know I need to be a good steward of my time, as well as my money in that I do pursue relationships because college is not just about the academics but that I would seek to glorify you in all that I do, no matter what it ends up being. Please show and teach me about what you want me to learn most that I may use it for your kingdom. Amen.

peace like war mentality.

Today during warms ups at practice, eneding with the stretching circle we decided to get with our two soccer sisters to talk, catch up and pray for one another. One of my sisters said that lately she’s been believing a lot of lies and its been a fight to stay on top.

When reading the book Called and Accountable I’ve been reading the following quote reminded me of this conversation:

“God may leave Christians in their present vocations or professional positions. However, when He does, it will  not be “business as usual” or business as the world around them would have it. They will thoroughly realize that they have been “bought at a price,” and therefore, they are, at all times and in all places, to make sure they glorify God in their bodies and in their spirits, which are His.” (1 Cor. 6:19-20)

We HAVE to fight, when we give up we are saying, “Jesus I dont think you are worth fighting for.” We all know how pathetic and ignorant that is. Lets fight the fight, because we know that “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” (Eph. 6:12)  Christ has died and Christ is risen, coming again so that we can fight. He sent the Holy Spirit so that we CAN fight and overcome.

Surrender your control and let the Holy Spirit come and empower you to fight. We know that in midst of the fight, the war we find peace, because only when we fight do we feel the freedom Jesus brings. You can’t surrender if you havnt begun to fight.

life hurts.

Man its so crazy how the smallest things can take you away from Jesus. The saddest thing is when things that God intended for good take your eyes off of Him. In the last few months the Lord has been showing me how to have healthy friendships. I’m learning how to give and take and when to pull away and when to speak up. Its hard to know the borders you know? Its hard to know when to be selfless because we are called to and when to take time to rest and time to be filled up and when to say no and when to say YES!

I’m hurting because the flesh is far too tempting to handle on my own. I’m learning that my value is not found in people and my value is not found in the relationships I hold dear to my heart, whether new or old. Jesus is purging me one step at a time of the people that I love, starting with my Daddy last summer.

Now God brings people in my life to see if I can love them the way real love is described; giving them not what they want or what they think they need but actually what they really need. Jesus.

Do I love others well so that they’ll see Jesus through me or am I just loving myself? I know that I fail at being selfless. Daily it’s a fight to be humble enough to care for others above myself but I know that God’s grae is upon me. He is stretching me and growing me everyday in new ways.

specific calling in passion.

In thought class today we talked about existentialism; basically the philosophy that nothing matters and there is no purpose to anything but a world full of passion. Passion that still has no purpose and passion that is aimed at various things. That mankind has nothing but passion and can choose to be courageous in pushing the passion toward something. To me it has to be courageous to beleive in a philosophy of nothingness or meaninglessness. If we have passions, who cares if there is no purpose for them?

I don’t believe any of that. I believe you and I both have a passion and we BOTH have a purpose. Jesus Christ is our purpose and the passion is used to share Him and glorify Him.

On page fifty of Called and Accountable there is a story about a women named Judith. In 24 hours she became legally blind and hard of hearing. God did not heal her, but used her to heal the pain of others. She started and pursued a passion to mobilize and serve those with dissabilities. She was able to motivate the town council to make the city of Phoenix more accessable to those in need of special help. She worked with Christian publishers to translate books into brail, A language the fingers can read for those who’s eyes dont work.

What a blessing it was that God used Judith, not in her healing but in her disability to serve others. I think God has given me trials or allowed hardships so that I may learn to lean wholly on Him and trust in no other than the great I-AM. It is He alone who satisfys and He alone who is able to turn what seems like tradgedies into blessings. Praise God for death. It helps us see eternity more clearly and pain to feel joy more deeply.

you only love as well as you love the ones you love the least.

welll shouuuuuuute. I feel like #abigfail if you ask me.

I thought I loved really well until I heard this. I was broken of my sinfulness, of my conditional love. I love people well who love me well back. I have a very very very hard time loving (especially girls) who don’t love me back. I think I am entitled to friendship and to respect. I think I’m entitled to at least a good attitude. *side note. I often think those who think they are above others NEED to respect me. I want respect from those who don’t respect me the most and usually get bitter when I think someone is cool and they don’t reciprocate the feelings. How selfish is it that I demand love from those who are not required to love, let alone even like me.

How can I grow in not just showing love but being love? I’m convinced there is only one answer…..

Meditate on the definition of love…. JESUS CHRIST.

Gods perfect timing

Upon reflection of the last fews years (I became a whole-heartedly follower of Jesus June 3rd, 2009) I’ve realized that Christ has been sactifying me in humility, preparing me for this season. He has showed me more and more about His nature and Character of surrendering Himself to the Father so that the Father’s purposes would be made known and manifest through Jesus.

This last spring, while at YWAM I found out the night of the soccer banquet I would not be captain for the upcoming season. As a senior this fall, I am thankful for the preparation God did in my heart to lead without a title. I have been humbled and sanctified through suffering, through trials and testing of my dedication and faithfulness to the calling as a leader without the position and respect of being the captian of the 2011 Northwestern Womens soccer team.

I am thankful for the trails and tests, although very difficult, because I have had the gracious opportunity to witness the joy in sanctification of younger girls through my example.

Praise God for his timing and holiness, even when you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its NOT about you, it’s about His eternal glory.

time invested

soccer: 26  hours this week

sleep: 46 hours

homework: more than 25 hours

class: 12 hours

eating and fellowship: 16-18 hours.

ministry: 12 hours

nannying: 3 hours

driving: 4 hours

church: 3

hours piddling.. hanging out.. wasting.. 7

I feel like I accounted for my weekley hours pretty well, but 7 hours is a lot of time wasting.. get ready for things and/or hours unaccounted for. How many of these things were time invested in eternity? I could justify soccer as glorifying to God through work ethic, Godly example, through joy or even through team bonding and investing in others; Same with church and class. But how much of that class time was I distracted by texting or thinking about other things. How much of the time I spent getting ready for the day was in vanity? How much of spending time with others was wasted on checking duties off a ministry list? Do I pour into those around me because I love Jesus and therefore I am truely loving them well?  Or do I simply love them to boost my ministry resume/ to boost my leadership skills/ to gain the respect of younger girls/ to look and feel smart as I lead these women?

Am I really loving them or am I just loving myself?

People live forever… and like the Blackaby’s said, “Time invested in people has eternal significance.” I think I really need to evaluate the time I spend trying to pour into younger girls because if I’m not loving them wholly by spending the time as an overflow of gratitude for what Christ has done for me then outwardly I may look like I’m loving them, and they may feel loved but I’m not glorifying Jesus if there is pride and selfishness in my heart. It would be better to step back for a week to evaluate then pretend I am loving them well by throwing something together for discipleship group.

I want to be a better steward of my time by not wasting it on piddling around campus hopeing to run into certain people or by being careless and not planning time effectively.

called and accountable

Why does God call us? What does called even mean? Generally I want to believe and say that God calls us all as believers to pursue righteousness and make disciples of all nations. Now, does he call us specifically? or maybe intentionally specifically?

I think yes! I think we all have a specific calling it just takes time to figure it out. Stated in Called and Accountable, “This was the Father’s way and is still the Father’s way in each of our lives when we believe in His son, Jesus Christ. The father calls us to His son and gives us to Him. Jesus is still entrusted with recieving us from the Father and giving us eternal life (John 17:2-3). He continues teaching and guiding each believer, molding the believer as the Father has intructed him until each knows the Father and responds to Him. Just as the early disciples experienced a relationship with Him by responding to His call immediately and totally, the more fully one responds, the more God uses that individual to go with Him and His risen son on a redemptive mission to the ends of the earth.”

Is that exciting or what?! God is calling each one of us! The more and faster we respond the bigger things we get to do for his kingdom. The more someone loves you, and earns your trust.. the more you trust them with something. God isnt going to give you crazy and big things right off the bat to do for his kingdom- you have to earn and prove that you will be obedient to the logical and small things first. Welllllll………….. LETS GET LISTENING!


heavy heart

I have zero plan for this blog posting, zero thought in advance.

Felt prompted to bleed humility as i write the depths of my aching heart tonight.

This week has been a rough one. Last sunday at leaders time with Campus Outreach I realized my goal for ministry this year was to fight the lies of comparison and jealousy among my peers.

This last week was harder than I could have imagined. My Lord and my God is indefinitely been purging me of my value in people for the last year starting with the passing away of my dad. My dady was a yes man, he was always there to answer theological questions I never doubted and to tell me I’m beautiful when feeling rejected by the world. Jesus showed me I needed to stop finding my answers, comfort and peace from Daddy but Him. I need to turn to the Lord for answers, I need to ask him for peace and seek Jesus instead of people for tangilble comfort.

This world is fleeting, especially the physical things of pleasure. Touch is a love language, yes, and so is talking face to face but people will always fail me and even if they were perfect. They wouldnt satisfy.

This week has been one of much purging in every area of people in my life and its bringing me to my knees to worship and cry out to my one and only perfectly faithful friend. Jesus, thank you for never falling asleep, for never getting distracted, for never being selfish. For talking when I need to listen and for listening when I need to talk.

My heart is crying out to you, the God of the universe who is holding my hand as I kneel on my bedroom floor next to a kleenex box. The God who answers when I call and never ceases to pour mercy and grace over me.

God thank you for providing yourself as the best option. always.