heavy heart

I have zero plan for this blog posting, zero thought in advance.

Felt prompted to bleed humility as i write the depths of my aching heart tonight.

This week has been a rough one. Last sunday at leaders time with Campus Outreach I realized my goal for ministry this year was to fight the lies of comparison and jealousy among my peers.

This last week was harder than I could have imagined. My Lord and my God is indefinitely been purging me of my value in people for the last year starting with the passing away of my dad. My dady was a yes man, he was always there to answer theological questions I never doubted and to tell me I’m beautiful when feeling rejected by the world. Jesus showed me I needed to stop finding my answers, comfort and peace from Daddy but Him. I need to turn to the Lord for answers, I need to ask him for peace and seek Jesus instead of people for tangilble comfort.

This world is fleeting, especially the physical things of pleasure. Touch is a love language, yes, and so is talking face to face but people will always fail me and even if they were perfect. They wouldnt satisfy.

This week has been one of much purging in every area of people in my life and its bringing me to my knees to worship and cry out to my one and only perfectly faithful friend. Jesus, thank you for never falling asleep, for never getting distracted, for never being selfish. For talking when I need to listen and for listening when I need to talk.

My heart is crying out to you, the God of the universe who is holding my hand as I kneel on my bedroom floor next to a kleenex box. The God who answers when I call and never ceases to pour mercy and grace over me.

God thank you for providing yourself as the best option. always.