I decided that when I got back from Lebanon I very much needed some regularity in my schedule to keep my sanity, help my re-entry process and find some normality in this new life I was starting back home. One of the things I decided to do was write for 30 days about different topics. I got the inspiration off of Pinterest (you can find it HERE) and wrote every night before I went to bed. Warning; I do my best writing at night, its also the most raw. This is not edited, its all the real answers I had to all of the questions. Anything in parenthesis is added for better understanding- those edits were not written the night I answered the question. Another 30 day writing option is here. You can follow my “feeling creative” board for more fun ideas here.
Here is what happened:
Day 1: What is your current relationship like? Well, I’m single. I live 1/2 across the world from the boy I have the wildest crush on. Nothing will happen for a few years, if thats even real. I swear he treats me differently than all the other girls. I swear the chemistry can be seen. My heart beat must be felt by anyone within 5 feet of me because its so loud.
and with that she feel asleep.
Day 2: Where would you like to be in 10 years? When I’m thirty-five, I’d like to have moved back to the Middle East, be fluent in Arabic and have a well established blog. I would love to be married with a few kids and maybe in or about to start seminary. I’d love to have been to at least 10 more countries and I want to have a giving pattern of 20%
Maybe study French, maybe go to Paris, India, Thailand. Maybe skydive and cliff jump. Hopefully publish a book. **edit the next day: i want to adopt. I want to be somewhere my heart never stops breaking for the hurting.
Day 3: What are your views on drugs and alcohol? Cigarettes: no. Weed: never. Hookah: gross… why? Like I tried it, but it makes you cough and get a buzz so…no, not worth it. Pills: alright, totally guilty of using hard drugs.. Ones I HAVE legally been given but (taken) on times/occasions they were not proscribed for. Mostly cramps, still not okay. Coffee: always ok. Boys: in moderation. Alcohol: uhf. Not for me. I can’t be trusted. The buzz, tipsy, or drunk once I have one would be dangerous for me. Others, I’m fine with in moderation.
Day 4: What are your views on religion? Religion is a set of rules, a spiritual worldview, a label. Its a crutch, a reason to live, a hope that actually leads no where. Religion tells you to earn your salvation.
catholic: be good. Islam: fulfill duties. Morman: take a journey. Hindu: meditate on clarity. Buddism: find inner peace.
Its all vague. I once heard you really never see how bad you are until you try very hard to be good. And I know from trying to be good I can never do enough to prove I am capable of fulfilling a divine checklist. I’m unworthy. A journey to where is unclear, this life is full of surprises and no one takes the same path. Nothing is clear but God’s standards. And that standard was given in grace through Jesus. He is peace.
Day 5: A time when you thought about ending your own life.
Day 6: Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 7: Zodiac sign if you think it fits your personality. Sagittarius. I think horoscopes are silly. I’m not going to go all spiritual and say they are demonic but they definitely have old magic roots. If I see a page in a magazine about them, i’ll read it and ponder but i’ve never given it much weight.
Day 8: A moment you felt most satisfied with your life. When I was flying from Detroit to Frankfort on Monday, September 15th, 2014 I was so satisfied with how my life was because I was fulfilling a dream I’d had for a number of years. I was going to live among the unreached to be a missionary. Another time was July 5th, 2015 when I was laying at AUB beach and was given wisdom from God //and through man// that pursuing holiness is more important than chasing your dreams. When I realized this I cried knowing I would have to leave my friends for a long time but hadn’t felt that kind of peace in a long time. I was satisfied.
Day 9: How you hope your future will be like. I mean I have dreams and goals and hopes and wishes but right now I’m trying to take one day at a time. I’m trying to slowly move so I don’t stumble and fall. America is a lot to take in. Right now I’m resting, connecting and prepping for my MPD (Ministry Partner Development) season and move to West Virginia. I hope I have the things I listed on the Day 2 page. thats all.
Day 10: Discuss your first love and first kiss. Well my first kiss was at age 16- middle of my sophomore year after a snowy work day at the ice rink. His name was Garrick. (I’m omitting his last name for his privacy) during the last 30 seconds of the movie “Dick and Jane” probably one of my best kisses ever.
Love: I can’t say I’ve ever been in love but I have really liked 2
boys men. They are both married now. I have learned a lot about love though. It’s addicting, it works best when it goes 2 ways. It’s painful at times and the biggest risk you’ll ever take. (*todays edit: there are actually 3)
Day 11: put your iPod on shuffle and post the first 10
Day 12: Bullet your whole day
- woke up at 9:30
- emails on computer
- make Texas Caviar
- get ready
- pack purse
- go to church//doors locked
- go to caribou-get coffee
- start emails
- cam comes
- get lunch
- more emails
- go to cub for food
- change into running stuff
- bring Spencer’s car back
- make cookies,brownies, salsa and lemon bars
- cousins over //ping-pong
- monday softball
- Wild Bills (pub)
- clean kitchen
- Jesus Time
Day 13: Somewhere you’d like to move or visit. Well I am planning on moving to West Virginia next Spring and that I am excited about. I get to live in my own apartment. I get to be in a new state, at a new school and in a new city. I’m excited to learn new things and be a part of a new culture. I also really want to be back in Lebanon and thats a whole other Adventure but we’ll see where it all goes.
Day 14: Your earliest memory. Age 2: Getting my ears pierced at burnsville mall on the opposite side of the stairs from the black elevators in the corner place of the food court. I got a treat after.
Day15: Favorite Insta-grammers.
- I left my family
- I felt alone on Christmas
- I stopped talking to a close friend
- HD’s friends died
- Maria stopped hanging out
- Almost missed the cruise boat in Rome
- Fought with Cristina
- Fought with Mam
- “He’s going to leave” conversation
- James bailed on Chouwene
- Having to leave Lebanon
- Raising full support
- Getting to go to the Middle East
- Meeting Nour
- Getting to know Sara
- becoming friends with Andrew
- emoji texts
- Praying with Brooke
- Being liked
- Prayer nights
- Mam visited
- Joining staff
Day 20: How important you think education is.
welp: arrow helps me process love triangle emotions and helps me see myself from anthers eyes. It helps me see through guys’ thoughts from the outside and how their reactions do and don’t relate. It it helps me get outside myself and of course escape real life for a bit. it helps me see others and be invested elsewhere
- I now know what i value, how to understand my personality. I’ve learned how to process my emotions and better convey them to others especially in the heat of the moment.
- My understanding of love and pursual has grown of risk and communication.
- My life in light of time has changed in my mind.
- I am more more grateful for singleness and learning to embrace it.
- I now have a college degree have studied 4 languages and lived in 2 countries.
- Stephen Amell-Arrow
- Colton Haynes- Arrow
- Zac Efron
- Beto Malfacini-model
- Theo James-Divergent
Day 26: What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27: A problem that you’ve had.
Day 28: Something that you miss.
Day 30: Your highs and lows of this month.