why you? why me? why anyone? right now i just feel blah..

today was an up_down day. I was tired upon waking, awake and enticed in class, jittery for my presentation, nerves overcoming the joy I normally find in speaking and then crashed in chapel. Lunch was productive with an interview, accomplished the artical in the library before class, disatisfied with my outfit and then frustrated at the realization of forgeting my folder that contained the worksheet due in 5 minutes. Thankful that class passed by fast, looking forward to catching up with a friend who is living downtown for the urban ministry stuff junior year. Met up with kara, got taped for practice pretty quick, no lines because I was so early. Sad at being hungry still and having the desire to get coffee and a snack. Although those both sounded good, spending money on it didnt 😦  life giving none-the-less as we chatted about how the Lord is bringing revival to this campus. 🙂 Talking about how God is working in peoples lives is always really sweet. Made a few loops around campus, got a blister 😦 headed back to the car to pick up Tori (a freshman soccer player who just came off of crutchs) from the library because she just finished OT at 3. Listened to 95.3 in the car.. always good reminders and God glorifying tunes to sooth the soul. Opened my Bible and started reading 1 John 2 because that is what I decided to study this semester. A positive reinforcement of God’s grace when we screw up. Tori climbed in and we drove over to Mel Johnson. Walked in and I thoroughly enjoyed my column workshop because we got to think of new ideas. My idea is going to be the main news story 🙂 and although I’m not writting it, I get to help John (a new staff writter) because I already have some background on it.

Then I leave for practice and enjoy the time I spend with my teammates untill mentally I’m not there and start to get scolded. Coach even asked me whats up? rest of practice as fine, not super great.. played with the mens team after our practice was over which is sweet for getting better by playing with guys who can walk all over me if I’m not careful. But, as always I made an inappropriate gesture back to someone who was jokingly making fun of me..Try to break up a pointless arguement and get scolded again by a player I dont know very well.  Sad again that I’m broke, thinking about can barely pay for tuition due thursday as I climb in my car and realize I need gas and can’t pay for it because I dont even have money to pay my bill.

Shower and take the trek home thinking about homework and the conversation I have to have with my grandpa. I probably didn’t do something right while he was out of the country for two weeks. Now I’m just trying to rest in the Lord as I spend the night doing homework alone and relaxing..

I’m afraid of my grandpa, he’s passive agressive and that is almost scarier than someone who yells because I honestly have no idea what he is thinking and quite frankly the cold shoulder is something he is known for. I hope I never have to experience that.

I miss my dad. He was the mediator between the two of us. He always gave me helpful hints to deal with grandpa. I’ve only lived here for 2 months now and can’t even believe that I live here. So many things have happened this last year that I would have never expected. Family is a difficult thing to handle when you are not familiar with the person you want to have a relationship with. Personalities and beliefs I think are a huge part of how you relate to one another. I’m nervous because Grandpa never has people over, he is kind of protective and so while he was gone I had friends over and I may have moved something or put it out of place… What if he figured it out? I’m going to be in so much trouble!! What if I get kicked out? What if he creeps in all of my stuff? I had to deal with demonic activity in this house when he was gone and I’m afraid it’s going to come back with him walking through the door. I’m afraid because he is not a believer. Some friends and I prayed over the house.. Everything was fine after that but I left a christian radio station on in the house 24 hours a day. The gospel and God’s words were constantly spoken throughout the house. He shut it off when he came home.

I’m scared to be here alone sometimes. I want to live in community but I also like having a place to myself. I love having people over. I hate having to check with others if that is okay.


Because God is good, and his will for my life is perfectly planned to happen the way He wants to bring himself glory. I just forget that I’m taken care of.

thank you Jesus for things that test us. Family that challenges us to trust you and for faith in something greater than myself.


Who has professional parents?  Take that as you wish… From parents who work in the business world to parents who are professional at being parents. My point here is that communication is half the sending and recieving but half the place in which it came from. The role that the communicators have to eachother. I read the Interactional View Theory this weekend by Watzlawick and it described exactly what I am teaching the class today. Communication is largely dependant on the roles of the people communicating. Watzlawick mentioned the importance of looking at a relationship not as A-> B-> C->D-> because it’s really more like X=A/B- (c  x  D) +4a its complex! X is a completed factor of a lot of different varibles. It isn’t just and A to B to C equation.

Watzlawick also talked about the recurring cycle of problems. Someone feels neglected so they push away. In result of the pushing away, they start to become more loved, and come back in. Things are fine, they start getting neglected and so the cycle starts over.  But the argument is from your own choice to make decisions. This theory was heavily reliant on other people. It was easy to see blameshifting and members of the relationship basing everything off of each other. I believe you can’t do that. Yes life is a constant action_reaction movement but you have full control over your actions and reactions.

We talk a lot about in Campus Outreach about being guilty for doing nothing and the complacentcy of not judging, not causing tention. Avoiding conflict and a messy situations are ideal because we not only dont want to confront things but we also dont want people to confront things in us. It goes along with the way people deal with conflict like talked about in the chapter.

My family has strong accountability and presses in pretty deep, we ask questions and walking away is not an option. You never hang up, you never slam a door, you don’t walk away and things are generally discussed before you go to bed.

I like the way my family relates because generally we get along, rarely do people raise voices and it’s a happy place. I like going back to my house because it is always a time for laughing, bonding and memories. We spend a lot of time getting to know eachother by asking about daily things like “how was school today?”

“what was the best part?”

“did you learn anything today?”

“anything crazy happen?”

and usually these things spark other topics that lead to dis closing more information. Having a tight-knit family is fun, and enjoyable; I wouldn’t want anything else because I see other families that have a lot of issues or problems and thank God for blessing me with a family that loves each other and gets excited about staying close.

hmmm :)

  family… when i think of family i think of my own version of the taylor swift song “our song” she says our song is slamming scren doors, sneakin out late, tappin on your windows. When I think of this, i think of how her relationship with the guy is fun, and its about the things they do together, the memories they make not the emotion they feel. My mind drifts back to the things that my family does together, the momories we make. This weekend i went to the vikings game with my best friends family and although they got the tickets for free it made me think about the families that spend lots of money on going to sporting events, or my other friend matt. His dad is a wholesale car dealer and so he switches new fancy cars about every 10 days. (that doesnt cost him either) but regardless families spend their money in different ways and my family chooses to spend money on vacations. We’ve been lots of places together and I can’t even remeber a year where we only took one vacation.     This is my family at the cabin. We spend every memorial, and labor day weekend together. We also go out on fridays with a select few and tube, ski and hang out. This picture is half ‘real’ or biological family and the other half is my grandma’s best friend and her family. We’ve grown up being together for 3 generations so we call each other family. We spend every holiday with them too.   This is when we went to the black hills after i graduated. We had never been to SD before so it was really fun because it was an entirely new experience for all of us. That trip was fun because we all were making new memories together, no one really had anything to expect so it made it fun because nothing was a disappointment. This trip also was fun because it was a lot of time in the car. My siblings and I switch between the long bench in the back seat of the van to sleep and watch movies, but its funny because we’ll plug the DVD player in to the speakers and dad or mom (who ever is driving) wll just listen as we all watch. Miracle is a movie that never fails to make it in the car. Its a family favorite, not only because of the hockey but because my step dad was in a hockey camp as a kid by Herb Brooks but also because a family value is to never quit and always try your hardest. This movie is a great depiction of that.   its not letting me insert any more pictures, I can in the next post but i was going to talk about our trip toFlorida in my grandparents timeshare every year in the 9th week of the year (the week Feb. and Mar. connect) or going to St. Louis to visit our family there is about every year and a half we make it down there. For the last two summers i have gone to Myrtle Beach and next summer I think my family might take a trip down to visit me!!I’m really excited for that trip! These two trips have been a huge part of my life and so I’m very excited to share what I’ve been learning down there with my family!! :):)


As I mentioned below, my Daddy passed away this summer. He is very dear to my heart and it has been hard, like anyone would expect but easier honestly than I thought. Although my step mom and dad were most recently together, my mom took care of most of the coordinating along side my dad’s mom and step father. Yes, it does change communication as was pondered in class today. Sometimes its very difficult to hold my tongue when people bring up death to far off related family member and talk about how hard it is because they have no idea what its like for me.

My dad is a believer, and therefore is now in heaven with Jesus his savior. He is pain free and full of joy. He was ready to go and although it was unexpected I’m more full of joy in the Lord now than ever before. I watched the prosperity gospel by John Piper (bethlehem babtist)


over and over this year praying for an experience where I would be able to cry out to God in sadness with utter reverence at his consuming love for me, in midst of excruciating pain. He is enough, God IS ENOUGH.

I’ve come to a place where I’ve learned how to rest in the Lord which has been more than an overflow into my other family members. It’s incredible to see the possibilities that awaken from things the world sees as disaster. I have been able to share the gospel with more people through the death of my father than ever before and am incredibly thankful for the opportunities God has given me to be strong when I very well can be weak.

this turned into less about my family and more what the lord is doing in my life in relation to my family but, if you think about it please please pray for more opportunities and hearts to soften through this time.


lead me to the cross


my family is very large, and they all get along quite well. I have 6 different Christmases, a new experience at every other holiday because something changes every year. traditions are huge in my family, which probably attribute to the fact that I’m not too fond of change. I’m excited to start my own family but honestly very nervous because I know that some things I will have to compromise and give up.
The first picture (starting on the right) is my mom; my little bother,spencer; my little sister, Tori in front; my sister Tanya (a year younger) and then me and my step dad greg.
in the second picture is my older brother, Dane, and my other little sister Monica. Continue reading “family”