peace like war. again

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Tonight I listened to this sermon by John Piper from Bethlehem Baptist church, he gave last sunday. Its Christmas night and I’m at my parents house packing up for the national conference He’ll be speaking at in TN for 4,000-5,000 college kids across the US.

This sermon got me thinking about what it means for me right now to go low. Piper said that we need to use our rank to go low. That’s what Jesus modeled. His rank was magnified in his humility of going low; especially in John chapter 13. I’m at war with myself in how to fight these temptations I face. Im stuck in what Paul seems to be describing in Romans chapter 7:15-20. I feel lost in a battle that I feel like Im not equipped to fight. Of course I have the armor of God but sometimes I dont know how to use it, I feel like poor david trying on the kings armor in the veggietale movie when He’s about to fight goliath. He decides he doesnt want it and it works out for him but I think thats not the case here. I dont want to fall away from my king, my savior but I feel helpless. I feel lost in my own emotions. So badly do I want to fight but I am stuck in my own selfishness and my own desre to plan my life out and find security in things I think will promise safety and tradition. I can accept change when I plan for it, but the unexpected scares me far more than I realized. I have to fight to keep Jesus before time in my life. I caught myself idoloizing my time, thinking its my own. Im terrified that I will waste time by not scheduling it, or forgetting something I think I need to get done.

I’m a mess and I hide it well, I hold on to things so tightly that I end up killing the very things I want to work for me. Its a battle, a fine line between life and death because so many things can bring death if held more highly than our king Jesus.

Pray and let God show you the worth in which is in a life of the patience we are called to walk in. Let God bring rest to your heart as He brings peace that is only found in midst of the war.

peace like war.

Today looks like peace and tomorrow there might be a war, but probably not. America is too powerful, and people are afraid of us.

False, they are afraid of our government. You know people overseas.. at least the ones I’ve met love Americans. We are beautiful people with wealth, entertainment, cool gadgets, pretty yards, happy families and the world at our finger tips. Does that drive you to thankfulness or disgust? Because frankly my pride indulges in the flattery and then I look at Matthew 19:21 and 22.. you know what it says? look it up..

I’m embarrassed. You know why? Because that’s me… I don’t really want to do any of that. I can fight to do the rest, but give everything up is something I have such a hard time doing.. for real.

Today I spent $55 on things I don’t need… do you know how many children that could have fed today in a third world country? I don’t even want to know, or think about it for that matter and yet.. I still spent it, that’s the sick thing.. I spent it on myself, and I even thought about how $30 a month to sponsor a compassion international child seems like such a commitment.. yet I spend that every month on random things.. I don’t even HAVE money right now.. I put $10 of gas in my tank every few days because I cant fill up the whole thing, I’m barely able to pay rent and my electric bill and I’m talking with my mom about getting an iphone or going on a spring break trip. GROSS

I’m at war with what is commanded of me. I justify my spending in comparison with everyone around me.. I don’t have that many clothes.. and I barely ever go shopping.. I don’t buy things unless I LOVE them.. but I also don’t give all I have to Jesus.. you know why? Because I’m selfish. I think solely about myself.

GROSS that’s so disgusting.. I honestly wish someone would convict me of my selfishness by slapping me across the face with my finances. Look at my bank account for the last 4 months.. what have I spent money on.. probably food, gas, rent and electric bills.. but what about coffee and Mcflurrys at Micky D’s when I don’t need them..

AHHH lets ban together and think seriously about how we don’t give away what we have, how wealthy we are when we don’t need to be.

What about instead of getting presents for our birthdays, we give the number of years old we are, that many presents away. What about when you get married.. instead of asking for all that nice stuff you think you need, ask people to give 50 bucks to a charity.. or return most of your presents and give the $$ away..

I want to see more of Jesus and be more of him to the community by giving away my stuff. Give away something this week, things others need things more than us.. and lets be real.. I’m not a fan of the prosperity gospel but I do know that every time this semester I’ve given money away when I didn’t have it, I was always given more in return from somewhere.

praise God.

2 Cor. 9:7 “God loves a cheerful giver”

Gal. 6:1-10.. you will reap what you sew 🙂