ahhhh sooo good!!
this week I am finally no longer homesick. I have a favorite friend, am jacked about getting home but am so excited about 2 and a half months left here to grow and learn.
It was all about biblical restoration and healing especially in light of forgiveness. on tuesday micheal berg the director of YWAM orlando was our speaker (for the week) and we talked about 4 things.
to know God: the original language for “to know” means that to know God is not merely knowing about him but rather to know him more intimately than a husband and wife know each other.
to trust God: firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reiability, and justice etc. of another person. to know their character. trust is LEARNED and EARNED; the more we get to know him, the more we trust him.
to love God: love is an UNSELFISH choice for the highest good of God and his universe according to their real value. -w.a. pratney (matthew 22: 37-40)
to serve God: not on the basis of FEAR, not on the basis of a sense of DUTY. service is an act of LOVE, and humility but mostly OBEDIENCE as an act out of response to our love for JESUS.
the false concepts we have of God, especially those from which we have viewed in our earthly fathers affect how we treat our heavenly father.
we then went into talking about the nature and character of God, talking a lot about His father heart for us and it was a powerful powerful week. For a devo look at John chapter 14, 15, and 16 and see the work or jobs of the Holy Spirit. (super good) another good devo is studying through the names of God, which we both did in class.
this was my prayer wednesday night:
Father, I‘m blown away at your love! Your love is enough. I don’t understand how good you are, Holy Holy Holy are you God Almighty. I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about how He loves us!! Thank you for breaking my heart towards yours. I am filled with your love, you are good, you are good, when I’m crying in the night. You are there, you are there, when not even me can I spare. I praise your Holy name. JESUS you stay the same through the ages. Pour out your love and spirit Father, your heart for the lost is ever present and ever lasting. It’s bigger than mine Father so please pour out your grace. -amen
on Friday, it was ministry day. we had intercessory prayer in the morning and class after break as always but then after lunch we got into our small groups and prayed prayers of forgiveness. Praying ” father I FORGIVE ___________, for hurting me in __________ even if/though they (didn’t) mean(t) to, even though it was (un)intentional.” we confessed lies to eachother that we believed. Satan’s biggest battle ground is the mind. If he can get you to beleive lies, he can twist the way you look at anything. So we walked through a list, confessing hurts we have from people who hurt us intentionally, unintentionally, things people were aware of and not aware of. We started at one and at 5:45 stopped and were not even half way through the list. we spent that many hours in confession, and prayer for one another forgiving all kinds of people from our parents, to siblings, to uncles and ourselves, to teachers or the government, to babysitters and friends. So many things came out as I was amazed. After the night was over we took our papers of all the peple we had forgiven that day and sang worship around a bonfire, throwing the paper into the fire declaring freedom from the bondage Satan was trying to hold over us.
I have never felt more free in my entire life, this is what I wrote in my journal as I climbed in bed for the night:
today we forgave. I forgave lots of people and realized I was beleiveing the lie that touch from men was always completely inapropriate, that it only hurt me and Satan was keeping me in bondage by feeding me the lie that I couldn’t touch, depriving me of a way I feel love. (touch is my strongest love language). I stopped the group after talking about siblings and said I needed to tell them something now, because Michael Berg our speaker had just pulled charis aside to pray for her, and had asked to give her an embracing hug. Seeing the hug made me feel so uncomfortable that I wanted to tell my group right way before he tried to hug me. So as I’m telling them about my fear of getting to close to guys and feeling like I cant touch because it warms my heart and always stirrs up emotions, Mike Lennartson, my DTS director who is married and expecting a baby came up behind me and had put a hand on my back. My whole body starts to crumble as the smiles on my groups face continue to grow. I finaly turn around and Mike says, “Samm, (with a smile) Can I give you a hug?” I looked at him with tears in my eyes, and nodded yes and as I turned around and stood up, he wispered, “The Lord told me to come over, because you needed a hug.” I started bawling as he embraced me. I felt so loved, Gods incredible timeing is beyond perfect. It was exactly what I needed.
There were many things that contributed to me feeling like touch from the opposite sex was not okay unless in the context of marriage, from an absent father in the first 4 years of my life when touch is the most powerful way to feel loved at that age (medically tested) and from male family who are unaffectionate physically, although very unintentional, as well as getting scolded from guys who blame me for being too flirty when I was trying to show friendly affection. Yes there is a fine line, but I now feel free to enjoy friendly touch with the opposite sex without feeling condemned like I did something wrong. I also was feeling physically neglected from a male very dear to my heart. As I was telling my group that, Sarah Lennartson, Mike’s wife came up to me and said the Lord gave her a picture for me. She said she had no idea what it ment but that it was a fluffy stuffed animal heart that was smiling, it had arms that velcrow shut and although they were shut, it was very unintentional. So I knew that the physicall attention I lacked from this male was the heart the Lord showed her. :):))
Praise and thank God for the freedom he brings in me, for the strength to forgive those who have unintentionally hurt me by feeding the lie Satan had me beieving.
HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS!