A Samm-I-am Top Ten

This year has been one of learning. Learning language, Learning culture, Learning how to do a team again, learning how to adjust, and be flexible, how to obey and listen. I’ve learned so much this year so here are the top ten things I’ve learned about myself:

samm i am

1. I like Free time in the morning. I like schedules and lists and I like those being made for me because it forces me to do things I wouldn’t schedule for myself. I really like staying busy but what I didn’t realize about myself is that once every two weeks I really need a morning to get things done and be productive on my own accord. I realized that on days when I have assignments, emails and blogs to catch up on, (typically the first tuesday of the month) I can’t start until my laundry has been started, the dishes are done in the kitchen, the living room has been tidied and the trash has all been taken out. I started to learn that I’m much more productive in the morning, and when I have a morning once every two weeks, I function on a team and in life much better. As an extrovert, its really difficult for me to take alone time, and because often alone time drains me, if its spent in the morning doing busy work while enjoying music, it goes over much better for me.

2. I’m gifted in discipleship: I realized that I am of so much more help in encouraging others who are like-minded to me than challenging those who aren’t. This has been a huge help to me so that I’ve been able to see my need to grow in the area of asking questions and being a listener and how to get outside my boxed framework of a worldview.

3. I have ability to adapt to new culture. I’ve learned that I’m not as stuck in the mud as I perceived myself to be. When I arrived here, within 3 weeks I was sure I wanted to stay and haven’t had any hesitations since. I made friends quickly, found a group of people to hang out with and was ready and willing to explore new things that some others had trouble with.

4. I get car sick: I’ve never been car sick in my whole life. In fact, I usually read in the car, do homework or other book puzzles. Since we got back from Europe, anymore than 15 min in the car is a total nightmare. I can no longer read, play games on my phone, text or even look down at my phone; I get nauseous, a white face and shaky hands. Thankfully I didn’t pass out the one time I thought I was going to but still am working on getting to the root of the problem I’ve had the last two months.

5. I miss the radio. I never thought I would say that but I do. especially internet radio: Pandora.

6. I operate under a guilt/innocent mindset. I knew that my culture operates under whether or not someone is guilty or innocent and the culture i would be moving to operates under shame and honor but I didn’t realize how much of myself was stuck in this frame work. I gasped (not dramatically, just slightly) at someone dropping things in the middle of a walkway on campus. My reaction was surprise, because it wasn’t anyones fault. I started walking toward this gentleman to help but he looked at me, looked down, grabbed the stuff quickly and hurried off. I was confused until my roommate reminded me that in this culture, I had shamed him by gasping, pointing out a flaw was shameful, regardless of the act not having fault. In my culture he was innocent, and in need of help, in his, being short of perfection, or normality, he was shamed.

7. Modest is hottest. My mama taught me this from very young. Let me tell you, it has an entirely new meaning. Modest is HOT-est… I’m practically melting over here from the sweat that is produced from my skin being covered in too many clothes. I didn’t realize how much I love wearing shorts and how freeing it is to dress as I please. Jesus sacrificed much for me, I can learn to be hotter because his grace is sufficient for me.

8. I am afraid of people. This year, I’ve been more afraid of dealing with conflict than I ever thought I was capable of. I realized that I look at people either better or worse/ higher or lower than me. I either need to impress them to win their approval or impress them to keep their approval. I am often enslaved to this mentality that someone needs me to be something for them and therefore I must or i lose. They never lose, just me. Its been a web of lies that I’ve been processing and a good opportunity for me to see how freeing Jesus is. Jesus gives me hope to say I am bought with the blood of Christ, it is finished, there is nothing left to prove. He took my inadequacy and made me worthy by dying for my imperfections and giving me his purity.

9. I only deal with blatant conflict. I was asked during some team counseling in January about how my family deals with conflict and I realized, in a lot of ways… if its not blatant, we sweep it under the rug. I was taught to pick my battles, and not assume every offense is a war. Its a really good thing to live by, unless of course you sweep hurts and sin and other types of conflict under the rug unless a voice was raised, a naughty word was used or an attitude was acting up and someone else heard it. I have grown bitterness in my heart in some ways because I don’t deal with things, I sweep them under the rug I call “a battle”.

10. I sense more than I act from intuition. I took my myers briggs at the beginning of the school year and tested N (ENFJ) and have since tested S twice. I’m still learning about personality profiling but it means a good amount of things. you can find an explanation here.

hope you enjoyed. 🙂