As I write a methodological paper on Joe Rigney’s (professor at Bethlehem College and Seminary) take on Christian Hedonism and the pains of this world, I reflected on my first known encounter with Piper’s Christian Hedonism trademark ideology. I watched the sermon jam on youtube.com of the Prosperity Gospel in which you can view through the link at the bottom of this page, again tonight and realised I missed half of the message. All my ears heard were…
“in the deepest possible pain, God is enough”
I want to come back to how this video shaped my life and theology for the last 5 years but tonight I want to breifly mention that I realised, what I want, my idea of the world is that when you become a believer, you work out your “big” sins and quietly work on your “little” or “hidden”, maybe seemingly (in my mind) insignificant sins.. so that christians arrive at a sort of cleaned up gift box state in order to share the gospel and say look what jesus helped me do? he can help you too! he can save you, and glorify you that you may worship him. My idea of the perfect world is that jesus saves sinners, and then they become perfect avenues for others to witness His perfection to come to him. I’m sick of being weak and inadequate, unfulfilled and unsatified. I so often think i can arrive at a place where I am all better. I think that Jesus will make me whole this side of heaven because I dont want to be weak or a failure. I want to BE jesus to others. Deep down inside i want the glory for ixing and saving people from their idiocy and impurity. I think I can fix myself. I cant. no one can, and only jesus can save, only the holy spirit can change hearts, not me.
papa, I am desperately sick and broken before you. Come to me tonight to reveal your goodness, your patence and your sovereignty.